Monday, February 4, 2008

Up with Cults

I was humming Beck this morning, "I got a devil's haircut in my mind." My mind wandered, as it does, towards his supposed connection with Scientology. I have always held a sort of affection for new religions. They surely aren't easy to produce and well, they tend to have a more contemporary feeling about them that I enjoy. Then I began to think about the Tom Cruise video that had caused all this scandal on YouTube because the Church of Scientology had aggressively moved to have it removed. In a Guardian article, it was stated that Scientologists believe it is ok to lie to non-believers. You must admit that is a premise that is most enjoyable. A religion that believes in lying is smart in my book. Ok to lie.

You know, I get cranky when folks get all worked up about the evils of scientology. Albeit, they do feel like a pyramid scheme and it is a bit corny to have a sea captain as your messiah, but at the same time, as I said, what about the sympathy for contemporary religions. Don't people have a soft spot for organized metaphysics anymore? I know we find it difficult to get past such science fiction inspired dieties like Helotrobus or Xenu Ruler of the Galactic Confederacy, but surely that is the point of a religion isn't it? Shiva isn't particularly non-comic-book like either. Jesus, well, true, Jesus is pretty dull. More indie-rock looking. Not from outer space. But lets face it, religion is supposed to take us on a wild ride toward metaphore. That is how it works. It transitions from practical rules (don't eat this meat, wash your hands like this, when a guest comes over uses these plates, don't jerk off) to more glorious drug induced arty rules, "When Helotrobus greets you, place a silver coin on his tongue". Surely we aren't so naive as to think that all metaphysics should be practical and rational. What kind of religion is that? That is the relgion of the how-to guide. I subscribe to the religion of how to put coolant in my Honda Accord. I suppose that is why I have always enjoyed Mormons as well. A giant slug guards the gates to heaven and Jesus came to the U.S. Both are great ideas. What? You want Jesus to only visit once? Ok, black people can't get into heaven. Oops. They should have really thought twice about flagrant racism. But lets face it, the big religions aren't particularly kind to 'others' either.

I have had it up to here with atheists or agnostics. Such a contemporary lazy approach.

What do you believe?

Oh, I don't know, something is out there, and we're here. You know, the basics.

What do you do when someone comes to your house?

Oh, I don't know. Let em in.

What do you do when your deity greets you?

Deity? My god is a glimmering mist. We just kind of happily dissolve.

See? Enough with self satisfied atheists. Down with soft unimaginative thinking. Up with cults. Up with organized bad ideas. Up with counter power organization in general. It leads to strange culture. In my formative years, I lived on a Christian commune outside of Utrecht in Holland. Many new people I meet worry that I was brainwashed or lived some sort of ascetic unimaginative life. But I just say, "we sang lots of songs." What? You don't like songs? Who doesn't like a good song? Do atheists sing songs? Well, they should! They could be glorious songs. Songs to make the universe weep with envy. The chorus could go, "I believe in a god, but he lets me sleep in Sunday. He has undefined attributes, and his only super power is an occassional ability to spy on me." That is a sweet song. What? True. It does sound like Beck.


Jezus said...

So, I'm in Lowe's today buying some crap. I notice some people walking around either cursed with horrible skin malfunctions or thye caught the business end of some serious knuckle sandwiches. I later learn that today is Ash Wednesday so there you have it. Ash mixed with a little rain equals a little cult residue. Isn't Huckabeeism a cult?

JohnnyArt said...

Piss everyone off by repeating the mantra, "Everything is True." With a blissful smile. That will get you a knuckle sandwich.